Odd Sledging

I pick up the phone to call a colleague about booking a squash court for our weekly match.

Me: "Hey Ox, how does 11:00am on Saturday sound?"
Ox: "Sounds good. I look forward to it."
Me: "You're sounding very professional. Are you at the client's?"
Ox: "Yes."
Me: "Oh, so you can't talk shit and have to behave all proper?"
Ox: "Yes."
Me: "That's good. BECAUSE I'M GOING TO KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU WHEN WE PLAY."

Silence

Me: "I'LL BEAT YOU LIKE A RED-HEADED STEP-CHILD."

Silence

Me: "I'LL WHIP YOU LIKE A RENTED MULE."

Silence

Me: "I'LL SLAP YOU LIKE A ONE-LEGGED PROSTITUTE."

Silence

Me: "I'VE BOUGHT FLOOR CLEANING DETERGENT. I'M GONNA NEED IT WHEN I WIPE THE FLOOR WITH YOU."

Silence

Me: "Okay. I'm done. See you when you get back."
Ox: "Thanks for that. I'll see you later."

Bwahaha.